We’ll inform you of our newest freebies when you subscribe!
Unfortunately, your relationship has failed the test. Your relationship is very unhealthy and needs help fast. You should seriously consider marriage/couple’s counseling or dismissing your partner for good. You are valuable, and your happiness is very important. Don’t live a miserable life when you don’t have to. It may be time to cut your losses and move on. Please take heed to any warnings that may have applied to your situation, especially domestic violence. You may need to run!
If no warnings applied to your relationship, and there is no domestic violence, maybe couple’s counseling will work for you. Additionally, you can try to refresh your relationship by rekindling the flame.
Click the link below to try our Rekindle the Flame Plan. It’s free!
We’ll inform you of our newest freebies when you subscribe!
#1. Do you and your partner love each other?
Uh ohhh! I don’t know which one of you (or both) fell out of love, but without love the relationship is most likely doomed. Love will get you through some tough or stale times in your relationship. Although rare, it is possible to grow to love a person. This sometimes happens in arranged marriages, but in reality, at least one of you might have to dismiss.
Were you really in love? Some people pretend to be in love because of the expectation to say or hear "I love you." It's the fake it until you make it tactic, but some never quite make it. On the other hand, there is something called "blind love." In this case, a person either pretends to be, or actually is, too naive to see the situation for what is really is. He/she ignores or dismisses red flags and signs that this is obviously not right the person for him/her. Blind love is only disaster waiting to happen. The truth always comes to the light, and you will have to face and accept it, eventually.
No matter how much you want someone to love you, you can't bully, cry, or guilt a person into falling in love with you. Actually, those tactics will only push him/her further away. Your true love is still out there somewhere. Stop wasting your time here. Free yourself of this misery so you will be available when your soul mate comes along. Good luck!
Advice: Follow your heart and your gut feelings. Dismiss if necessary.
That’s great! Love is the backbone of any relationship. It seems to be a magical potion. It can get you through some pretty rough times. During the surveying process, I ran across some badly damaged relationships. When I asked, “Why do you stay?” the answer was usually “because I love him/her”
Advice: Enjoy the love. Kiss!
#2. Are you happy in your relationship?
No one should stay in a miserable relationship and sacrifice their happiness, but let me say this: Happiness comes from within. The biggest mistake people make is thinking their partner, or someone else, is responsible for their happiness. Others may contribute to your happiness, but it is not their responsibility to make you happy. Your happiness is inside of you. It is your responsibility to find and embrace it. Most importantly, once you are clear about what you need to be happy, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. They may accuse you of acting different or being self-centered, but when it comes to your happiness, you may need to be a little selfish sometimes.
On the other hand, it is also your responsibility to manage your happiness. If someone is continuously doing things to make you unhappy, then you must alleviate or eliminate the problem. I suggest that you are very vocal to your partner about what he/she is doing to make you so unhappy. Your partner may listen more intently in a professional setting, such as a counseling session. Give it some time to be corrected. If it continues, you might have to dismiss. Don't waste your time with a person whom you are not compatible with. What you need may not be what your partner is offering. Certainly, there is someone out there who you can be happy with. Don't stay in a relationship that robs you of your joy.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling first. If you don’t see a change in your partner soon, dismiss.
Wonderful! Apparently, your relationship has most of the key ingredients of a happy relationship, which are: love, honesty, respect, commitment, forgiveness, selflessness, and good communication (bonus: romance, laughter, and great traditional food).
Advice: Keep smiling, because you're happy! Kiss!
#3. Do you have a bond with your partner?
Fiddlesticks! The only way a couple can survive without a bond is if they downgrade to roommates and avoid each other at all cost. There is no way a romantic relationship can survive without a bond. On the other hand, just because the spark is gone doesn’t mean it’s officially over. It just means that you’ve grown apart. With some time and sincere effort from both of you, you can re-light the flame. As a bonus, we’ve included a Rekindle the Flame Plan. It's also free. Use it. Relax, drop your guard, keep an open mind, and do your part to make it work. No dismissing just yet. If there aren't other issues such as domestic violence or cheating, both of you should work on it.
Advice: Try our Rekindle the Flame Plan and/or Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If nothing seems to solve the problem, you're most likely not with your soul mate. Dismiss
Hip-hip hooray! It is wonderful to have a bond with your partner. However, don’t take it for granted. People assume that a bond will maintain itself. Wrong. It is not hard work, but it does take consistent work. It takes the three C’s, compassion, consideration, and compromise to maintain a bond.
The most trying time is usually after the birth of a child. Due to the needs and demands of a newborn, sex slows down and the parents are usually more focused on the child than each other. Keep in mind, this is normal and temporary. If neither parent takes it personally, or seeks pleasure elsewhere, your relationship will gradually return to normal. Because your schedules revolve around the baby, you might have to tweak some things (like have a daylight quickie while the baby is napping instead of waiting until night when you’re sure to be too tired for sex).
Being bonded to your lover and best friend is such a beautiful thing. Good for you!
Advice: Don’t lose focus and keep the bond strong. Kiss!
#4. Do you have a spiritual connection to your partner?
Although statistics show that relationships with a spiritual connection have a better chance of survival, don’t worry, this isn't a wrong answer. There are many different religious beliefs in the world. Some couples may not share the same religion. Some people don’t believe there is a higher being of any sort. Regardless of that, as long as you and your partner believe in love, you can have a happy romantic relationship. Some believe spiritual connections are the only way, but in reality, most couples don’t read the Bible, or their book of worship, and pray together anymore. As long as you have the key ingredients, which are: love, honesty, respect, commitment, forgiveness, selflessness, good communication (optional: romance, laughter), you can have a healthy, long lasting relationship.
Advice: It’s your life, and you have to live it. Do what’s best for you and your relationship. You're doing great. Kiss!
Great! A spiritual connection is a powerful thing. It leads to a committed, deep, lasting relationship.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.”
Advice: Pray together. Kiss!
#5. How would you rate your partner’s skills in bed (sexually)?
Ohhh dear… Unless mind blowing sex means the world to you, bad sex is not exactly a reason to dismiss. Although you may be able to slice the awkwardness with a knife, you must tell your partner his/her sex could improve. This is where good communication comes into play. Reassure your partner of how much you love him/her and only want to improve the relationship. Ask your partner to be open minded while you show him/her how to do things to your liking. Be considerate and compromising. Your partner may feel uncomfortable or intimidated by some of your suggestions. Be careful not to make your partner feel insecure. It may take some time to get him/her in the swing of things. Be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Compliment your partner as the sex improves. This will encourage him/her to try harder to please you, or at least hang in there.
Advice: Explore in bed. Communication is key. Work hard to get it right. Remember, practice makes perfect.
*If you are only dating your partner, wait until the issue is fully resolved before making a long-term commitment such as marriage. This particular issue can cause serious problems in some relationships.
Hot dog! You must be floating on cloud nine! Great sex makes you smile from ear to ear and glow from head to toe. It’s definitely a plus in any relationship. Who doesn’t love to fog up the mirror with some hot kinky sex?
Advice: Sing in the shower, dance in the mirror, and enjoy sex often. Kiss!
#6. Do you and your partner have sex often enough?
Hmmm…Let me start by saying that sex is not included in all relationships. If both partners agree, there is no problem here. On the other hand, if a sex-free or low-sex relationship is an issue for one partner, there is a problem. Some people have higher sex drives than others. When partners are not compatible in this area, a miserable relationship is sure to exist.
If you are the one holding back on the sex, this is for you:
Sex can be enjoyable if done right. If your partner is not satisfying you in bed, you must be vocal about it. Find a way to show him/her what you like. Be considerate of your partner’s feelings and open to compromise. Don’t continue to skimp on the sex.
This may gradually chisel away your bond and end the relationship. Without sex, you and your partner are only roommates. Sex is vital to a relationship if at least one partner requires it.
There are many benefits to sex: It is the most intimate connection you can have with your partner. It strengthens the bond, keeps the attraction strong, relieves stress, eases tension, great exercise, induces a good night’s sleep, and spices up the relationship. Not only is great sex extremely pleasurable, it can also get you more leverage in the relationship. Seriously.
Advice: Don’t starve your partner. Give it up often. Snuggle. Cuddle. Show some love. Be careful, sex is such a silly reason to get dismissed. If your partner is the problem, a serious talk is necessary, and possibly allow a marriage/couple’s counselor to help. Good luck!
Magnificent! Do it often, fantasize about it at work, and dream about it while you sleep. When two people who are in love have sex, the passion and deep emotions can make them feel like they're on top of the world. That’s called "making love," which is the most intimate connection.
Although you are getting and giving enough sex, be sure to spice it up from time to time. Try new and different things. This is sure to keep the spark in the bedroom.
Advice: Keep it hot and sticky. Kiss!
#7. Do you trust your partner?
Geez Louise! There’s no peace of mind here. People automatically associate trust with cheating. However, there are many ways to betray someone’s trust. Dishonesty in any form is a betrayal of trust. Without trust, you are often on pins and needles. It’s a constant cat and mouse game. You’re the insecure unpaid spy. Your partner’s pride comes from outsmarting you. You’ll never get a good night’s sleep like this. Something has to change!
Hidden secrets stem from dishonesty. Some secrets can be life changing when revealed or discovered. If cheating is an issue, there are health risks, such as STDs. You can see if counseling will help but it’ll take quite some time. Trust is easy to lose but hard to earn. Do some soul searching and decide how much time you’re willing to wait on a genuine change in your partner.
Whatever you decide, stick to it. Keep in mind that some people never change. Don’t be manipulated, a fool for love. Action speaks louder than words, so pay attention.
If you know deep inside that your partner won't make a permanent change, it may be best to dismiss this one. There’s plenty of people in the world to love, and who will also love you. While searching for your new love, make sure “trustworthy” is one of the qualities you require.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If the suspicious behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss. You deserve peace of mind.
That’s a big plus! You are fortunate to be able to trust your partner. If you are as trustworthy as your partner, you’re on a winning team.
Advice: Sip some hot tea and enjoy the peace of mind. Kiss!
#8. Do you suspect your partner of cheating?
Ouch! Infidelity is hurtful and a huge betrayal of trust. Some couples never recover. If so, it takes a long time to get over that much emotional pain. Cheating is an act of selfishness and inconsideration. Some think a one-night stand is not as bad as an affair. Both are very damaging. Both are extremely hurtful.
A monogamous relationship is the only way to go. It’s also the safest. With all the STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) in the world, you’re gambling with your health when having intercourse with your partner if you think he/she is unfaithful. Be careful. If you suspect your partner of cheating, unprotected sex is not a good idea.
Whether your partner is cheating or not, your suspicion shows a lack of trust in your relationship. I’m sure you know how nerve racking it can be to have an untrustworthy partner. Seek counseling and see if you can get to the bottom of it. Trust is easy to lose but hard to earn. This will require time and patience.
If you have evidence of your partner cheating, have caught him/her red handed in the past, and are tired the emotional roller coaster you’re currently on, pack your bags and get to stepping. Most cheaters don’t stop, they only put more effort into perfecting their lies and deceit. You deserve the luxury of having peace of mind. This is definitely a reason to dismiss.
On the other hand, if you don’t have a solid piece of evidence, your partner may not be cheating at all. If you’ve been cheated on by a previous partner, scars from the past may be rearing their ugly heads. Meaning, jealousy can stem from an underlying insecurity in you, in which your partner feeds. If this is the case, this issue definitely requires individual counseling for you, then couples for you and your partner.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If this behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss. Everyone needs peace of mind.
Outstanding! A trustworthy partner is truly a treasure. It’s peaceful not having to worry about where he/she is or what he/she is doing. There’s no need to spy on emails or snoop through cell phones. Your partner only wants you. In a monogamous relationship, you don’t have to worry about STDs either. Peace of mind is priceless. Good for you!
Advice: Tell your partner he/she is the best! And you are too. Kiss!
#9. Does social media, such as Facebook or Instagram, have a negative impact on your relationship?
Uh ohhh…I don’t know if the problem is you, your partner, or both.
Although social media can be a great means of communication, it can destroy a relationship! People get addicted to social media. They enjoy the attention. This results in a lot of time being spent on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., while neglecting your partner or being neglected.
Social media is a bottomless pit of temptation. People put their personal business (body parts and all) on the internet for the world to see. All the attention and flirting causes jealousy, insecurities, feelings of betrayal, and is very hurtful and disrespectful. People think of it as harmless fun because it’s online but making an emotional connection with anyone other than your partner is cheating.
Being careless and irresponsible while using social media is like pouring gasoline on your relationship, then striking a match. For trust purposes, both partners should be included in social media activities. If your partner declines your friend request on Facebook, takes inappropriate photos for Instagram, or enjoys public Facebook arguments, ring the alarm! Relationships have boundaries for a reason. Make sure yours are set. Respect must be given and expected at all times. If you are the problem, get some self-control before you get yourself dismissed. If your partner is the problem, give him/her an ultimatum: Get it together or get dismissed.
Advice: Use social media responsibly, and don’t allow yourself to be disrespected. Seek counseling if needed. Dismiss if necessary.
What a relief it is! The misuse of social media can devour a relationship. Therefore, it should always be used responsibly. Both partners should be involved. Respect should be on the top of the list. You and your partner are doing fine.
Advice: Continue to respect boundaries. Keep up the good work. Kiss!
#10. What is your opinion of your partner’s overall attitude?
Phooey! There’s not much worse than a bad attitude or mood swings. There’s no use in revealing good news or seeking advice with this one; you’ll only get a squirt of lemon juice in return. A negative attitude is a sure sign of unhappiness. Talk to your mate. See if you can get to the root of the problem. He or she might need individual counseling. Couple’s counseling may be necessary if he/she feels you’re partly to blame.
Alert: Sometimes depression is mistaken as a negative attitude or mood swings. Don’t dismiss just yet. Your partner may really need your support.
On the other hand, if drugs and/or alcohol are involved, these could be the culprits of a bad attitude too. Drugs and alcohol can cause severe mood swings. The user’s impaired judgement doesn’t help the situation either. Living with an alcoholic or drug addict is not a healthy environment for you, especially if there are children in the home. If this is the case, you must get your partner help for his/her addiction. Please call Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): 1-800-662-HELP (4357). If he/she refuses to get help, or is not committing to recovery, it’s best to dismiss.Advice: Convince your partner to seek individual counseling, or addiction counseling if this applies, and seek marriage/couple’s counseling together. If your partner refuses help, and nothing changes soon, dismiss. Your happiness is important too. It's hard to be happy when dealing with a miserable partner.
Be very appreciative of your partner’s attitude! A positive attitude can help you through a bad day, a failed venture, and even a scary nightmare. It can also be the light in the room, the life of the party. Lucky you. You picked a good one.
Advice: Soak in the positivity. Kiss!
#11. Do you and your partner have open communication (Do you feel comfortable telling your partner anything)?
Eye Opener: Communication is a key player in any relationship. Honest communication is the most important ingredient. You can’t be a team if you can’t communicate properly. If you’re not a team, there is no relationship. Poor communication invites other problems, which is why it’s the number one reason relationships fail. How else can you genuinely understand each other if you can’t communicate? This relationship is sure to malfunction, if it hasn’t already.
Advice: You absolutely must seek marriage/couple’s counseling before your relationship is on life support. If things don’t change soon, it may be best to dismiss.
Yayyyyy! You have one of the primary ingredients of a healthy relationship. Teammates must communicate. You and your partner make a great team.
Advice: Keep the communication lines open. Kiss!
#12. Does your partner fight fair (verbally, of course)?
Whoa…Just because you’re having a disagreement doesn’t mean it’s time to get the shovel and start digging up bones. “Let sleeping dogs lie.” The intention of this behavior is usually to deflect, swerving from the issue at hand (Interference!), or to purposely be hurtful. Either way, it’s wrong.
The worst way to attempt to win a fight is for your partner to tell lies about you. My advice for this tactic is simple: Entertaining a lie is like fighting a ghost, a total waste of energy. This is a sign that your partner is very dishonest and selfish. He/she is willing to stoop low, hit under the belt, to win an argument. Resolving the issue is usually not the motive here. Don't waste your time on such foolishness. Walk away from the argument, and possibly the relationship too. You most likely won't be able to have good communication with such a person, ever, unless counseling can help.
On the other hand, I don’t know if there is a such thing as a completely fair fight. The object of a fight is usually to come out the winner, prove your point, prove you’re right. By saying fight, I’m definitely referring to the verbal, non-physical kind. I know from experience that most couples have disagreements, and it can get dirty sometimes. However, bones are unresolved issues that can rot a relationship if not resolved. Therefore, counseling is a must. There is a communication barrier here that needs to be sorted out by a professional. Your partner (and possibly you too) must learn how to resolve issues in a mature, considerate, and civilized manner.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling.If you can’t work it out, dismiss yourself from the relationship.
Whew! You and your partner can have a disagreement and still sit together for lunch. That shows maturity. Apparently, your partner is more focused on resolving the issue than winning a fight (verbally). Lucky you! You can definitely live in peace with your honey bunch. With this low-stress/no-stress relationship, there’s no need for yoga classes or counseling sessions.
Advice: Keep the fights clean. Kiss!
#13. Does your partner allow someone, other than you, to have a voice in your relationship (such as parents, siblings, friends, etc.)?
Uhn uh…That is a big no-no! This type of behavior will disrupt the bond between you and your partner, if not destroy it permanently. It’s ok to share the happy/good stuff. It’s ok to seek advice for non-serious, harmless situations such as, “I can’t decide which gift to get for his/her birthday.” However, unless someone is in danger of being harmed in some way, your relationship problems and issues should remain between you and your partner. Your partner’s big mouth is violating your privacy. This can lead to trust issues and feelings of insecurity and betrayal in the relationship.
You or your partner should not depend on the advice from others to solve problems in your relationship. Most often, that advice will only muddy up the water. Meaning, they’ll add more confusion and possibly more issues. If there are issues in your relationship that you and your partner can’t seem to solve, seek professional help. A marriage/couple’s counselor doesn’t have a dog in the fight and will remain neutral. Therefore, the advice is not biased and will be beneficial to the relationship.
Advice: Tell your partner that unless he/she is talking to a licensed professional marriage/couple’s counselor, keep issues in the relationship private. Such a foolish reason to get dismissed.
Delightful! No problems here. Relationships have a better chance of surviving critical times when there aren’t other noses in it.
Advice: Your partner is very smart. Mum’s the word. Kiss!
#14. Is there enough laughter in your relationship?
Attention! The absence of laughter can be hazardous to your health. Laughter protects the heart, boosts the immune system, relieves stress, relaxes the body, and eases fear and depression. Laughter can improve a relationship and help to maintain a healthy relationship. Humor eases tension and defensiveness in heated moments, prevents awkwardness, increases happiness, adds fun, and makes your partner your best friend. Last but definitely not least, playful intimacy is the best aphrodisiac!
Advice: No need to dismiss, or be dismissed for being too serious. Just relax. Let your guard down and be silly sometime.
Congratulations! You have the ingredient in which I call “the love potion.” A great sense of humor is attractive. Laughter is contagious. Apparently, you and your partner understand the joy and happiness laughter can bring into your life and your relationship. Laughter is the lifeline of healthy emotions, a stress reliever, mood enhancer, and a path to intimacy. Who knew LOL could be so important?
Advice: Share the joy of laughter. Kiss!
#15. Do you and your partner spend enough quality time together?
Heyyyy…Quality time is necessary for any relationship. Spending quality time with your partner should be high on your list of priorities. With neglect in the picture, the bond is sure to be weakened, and eventually broken. There should be time set aside when you give each other your undivided attention. Family time is great, but you should have some private time for just the two of you, away from the children, other family, and friends. Be consistent. Choose one day a week for date night and try to stick to it (for example: every Monday or Wednesday). Date night can be as simple as sending the children to the grandparents and cuddling on the couch for popcorn and a movie.
Keep in mind that this is happy time. This is not the time for you or your partner to corner each other and bring up unresolved issues in the relationship. Turn off your phone. Abandon your email and social media. Keep a positive attitude and focus on maintaining a deep, intimate connection with your partner.
Advice: Neglect damages the relationship. Be consistent with quality time. Make it your own but do it alone. If you continue to feel neglected, seek help. If marriage/couple’s counseling doesn't help, dismiss.
Spending quality time is wonderful! Enjoying each other’s company is always a plus, and the memories you create are priceless. Quality time strengthens the bond and keeps the relationship healthy. Although you probably have your favorite routines, be spontaneous sometime. Spice it up and try something new. To maintain a strong bond, try to spend exclusive time together at least once a week. Meaning, your quality time should be just the two of you, kid-free and family/friend-free. Avoid your cell phone, email, and social media; and make sure your partner has your undivided attention. Most importantly, laugh and have fun. You're doing great!
Advice: Hold your partner’s hand and be spoiled by good quality time with your honey bunch. Kiss!
#16. Is your partner supportive?
Ahhyahyah…Your partner should be your number one fan. If not, there’s a problem. The problem is usually a self-absorbed, inconsiderate, emotionally uncommitted partner who just isn’t that into you. Your partner should also be your teammate. He/she should encourage you, motivate you, reassure you, do anything possible to help you achieve your goals, and cheer the loudest when you succeed. If the problem is not remedied with counseling, move on with your life. Your partner doesn’t deserve you. You may need to dismiss this one!
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling first. If this behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss.
Blissful! Everyone needs support. Who else better to get support from than your partner? Your partner cares about you and wants you to be happy, healthy, and successful. That’s a sign that your relationship will nourish you long-term.
Advice: Give your partner a big fat kiss for being fabulous.
#17. Do you feel appreciated by your partner?
Good grief! It is disappointing to be with an ungrateful so and so. You’re unappreciated. Any efforts to please are a waste of time. No one should have to feel worthless. You should definitely voice your feelings to your partner. This behavior can cause bitterness towards your partner and may even cause you to get depressed. If counseling doesn’t help your partner understand how he/she makes you feel, or if he/she doesn’t seem to care about your feelings, prepare yourself to dismiss. It’s your life, and you shouldn’t have to live it miserably.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If this behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss.
Simply marvelous! It feels so-o-o-o good to be appreciated! It makes you want to put in an extra effort to please your partner. Therefore, your partner’s appreciation automatically comes with benefits. Everyone’s happy! Unless there are issues of a different kind, this is a no-lose situation.
Advice: Hug your partner real tight. Tell him/her it’s an appreciation bonus. Kiss!
#18. Is your partner considerate of your feelings?
Yikes! You are probably in a relationship with a self-absorbed person. This type of person usually has two or more of the following characteristics: dominates the conversation, rarely apologizes or is accountable for his/her mistakes, couldn’t care less about your needs or expectations, does not even attempt to put him/herself in your shoes, lacks tact (the ability to make a point without lying or offending people), lacks compassion, not thoughtful, unreliable, unsupportive, has bad manners, and is controlling. You can try counseling, but I must warn you, although it is possible, a selfish person rarely changes. If he/she does, it might remind you of a lizard, temporarily adjusting to the environment until the coast is clear. His/her true colors may reappear eventually so be careful. Don’t be manipulated. Your feelings matter. You are somebody special. Dust off your suitcase in case you have to pack it. You may have to dismiss.
WARNING! You are possibly with a sociopath or psychopath. The common traits are: No respect for laws or rules of society, no respect for the rights or feelings of others, does not feel remorse or guilt, display of violent or extremely aggressive behavior, unable to feel empathy. If this describes your partner, please get out of the relationship safely.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If there is no change in your partner’s behavior soon, it might be best for you to move on. If the warning applies to you, please get out of the relationship safely. If needed, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you are outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help. Dismiss!
Yippee! Your partner is able to look at things from your perspective and tip toe around your feelings. He/she is most likely kind, thoughtful, and loving. He/she really cares for you. He/she’s a keeper!
Advice: Appreciate your partner’s consideration. It’s a great quality to treasure. Kiss!
#19. Does your partner budget money well?
Well…When it comes to money, men seem to take more risks on business ventures.
On the other hand, women seem to be more likely to fall weak when shopping.
Budgeting and saving money are very important in life, especially in a relationship. If there are children involved, the importance triples due to child-related expenses and college funds.
Financial problems are a major cause of divorce. Society says that the man should be the sole provider of the household. Therefore, lack of money can cause insecurities in some men. A poor man can also be a turn-off for some women.
Women are more irresponsible with money than men. However, in her defense, most women fail to budget in the stressful process of taking care of the household. They often take on the task of paying bills, shopping for clothing, food, and household items. Spending money wisely can be challenging when you’re more focused on taking care of everyone’s needs. Couples sink into financial debt because they rarely reach out for the help they need, such as a financial counselor/advisor.
If your partner has a drug or gambling addiction, money will always be an issue. These are not well controlled habits and can wreak havoc on a relationship and bank account. You must get your partner help! If he/she refuses, or is not committed to overcoming the addiction, you must dismiss.
Advice: Seek a financial counselor/advisor for a budgeting plan. Seek drug, gambling, or any addiction counseling if needed. Dismiss if necessary.
Yep Yep. If you’re as responsible with money as your partner, all is well here. Apparently, your partner (and hopefully you too) understands how important it is to budget money well. Of course, there will be weak moments and occasional clouded judgement. That’s completely normal. Stick with your partner. He/she is financially responsible, which is a valuable quality.
Advice: Save, save, save your money. You’ll need it for difficult times. Life is unpredictable and you must do your best to be prepared for the bumps on the road. Kiss!
#20. Does your partner always show you respect?
Not today, I say! Being disrespected is hurtful every time. There’s no skin thick enough to tolerate it, nor should you want to. This needs to be a deal breaker for you. Without respect, there’s pure misery in your future. This type of behavior doesn’t go away on its own and continuously worsens in time. This is definitely a reason to dismiss.
WARNING! If your partner calls you names, often criticizes you, and is overly aggressive, that’s verbal abuse. Please be careful. These are the signs of domestic violence. Don’t go for it! Seek counseling. If the behavior doesn’t improve in a short period of time, pack your bags and go. As my grandmother used to say, “Respect is even due to a dog.”
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If this behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss. If the warning applies to you, please see the advice on domestic violence and seek help for domestic violence. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you’re outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help. Dismiss!
Excellent! Being loved and respected are two of the best feelings in the world. However, love is no good without respect. On the other hand, be sure to be respectful too. Tell your partner how much you appreciate the respect he/she shows you.
Advice: Pat your partner on the back for being respectful. Kiss!
#21. Is your partner too critical of you?
Oh my! This is an area of concern. There is a big difference in corrective criticism and abusive criticism, and you must learn the difference between the two. The main difference is your partner’s intentions.
Corrective criticism is meant to help you grow and learn. Your partner is trying to keep you from learning lessons the hard way. He/she only wants you to become a better person and make better decisions. However, there needs to be a good balance of compliments versus insults. As long as he/she maintains his/her patience with you, and is supportive, use the criticism as stepping stones. If it becomes too much, talk to your partner about your concern. If he/she doesn’t back off, seek counseling or dismiss him/her and find someone who likes you just the way you are.
WARNING! On the other hand, if your partner is constantly criticizing you, using profanity, and calling you names, sound the alarm! This is called verbal abuse. He/she is deliberately trying to destroy your self-esteem. You might have an abusive partner and I suggest you take heed to the warning signs. This is a characteristic of a person who is capable of domestic violence. Please be careful. If there is no physical violence, you can give counseling a shot. However, if the abusive behavior continues, or only stops temporarily, please discontinue the relationship. Refer to the advice on domestic violence.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. You don't need anyone's approval to think highly of yourself. Know your value, and don't allow someone to convince you otherwise. Always treasure yourself. If your partner's behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss. If the warning applies to you, please see the advice on domestic violence and seek help for domestic violence. If necessary, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you are outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help. Dismiss!
Great news! Your partner loves you. He/she is obviously considerate of your feelings. He/she thinks highly of you too. Be happy that you have such a positive partner. He/she will make your days brighter.
Advice: Your partner’s a keeper. Kiss!
#22. Is your partner too controlling?
Ah-yah-yah…You must be careful with this one! This could be something fixable, such as an underlying insecurity, lack of trust, or he/she thinks you’re not such a great decision maker/problem solver. I suggest counseling for any of those issues.
WARNING! On the other hand, this is one of the signs of domestic abuse. A domestic abuser will start out charming, but will gradually become more controlling, to the point where you are not allowed to make your own decisions. Eventually, he/she will have complete control of your life. He/she will get angry when you object or refuse to obey. He/she will raise his /her voice, insult you often, and consistently chop down your self-esteem. If this sounds familiar, you are in a bad situation. You must get out of this relationship soon. Please refer to the advice on domestic violence.
Advice: Seek marriage/couple’s counseling. If this behavior doesn't change soon, dismiss. If the warning applies to you, please see the advice on domestic violence and seek help for domestic violence. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. If you are outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help. Dismiss!
Good for you! You don’t have to put up with that crap! A controlling person makes life miserable. Unless the other partner likes being controlled, there’s nothing but chaos. The need to control stems from insecurity, a lack of trust and confidence in you, no consideration, or compassion. A bully! You don’t have to worry about any of that.
Advice: Enjoy the freedom of making your own decisions. Kiss!
#23. Do you or your partner suffer from depression?
This answer is not a wrong answer. No dismissing here either. Depression is a serious thing. In the USA, more than 15 million people suffer from major depressive disorder. The World Health Organization estimates that as many as 300 million people suffer from depression worldwide. It often goes unrecognized or ignored. The partner who suffers from depression is labeled as moody or crazy, and rarely gets the support he/she needs. There are many causes of depression. High stress levels, hormone changes (in women), and tragic events are just a few.
If it’s your partner who suffers with depression, therapy can be life changing. If your partner is depressed, please be very supportive. It will be a struggle for both of you. Be patient and considerate. A little compassion will go a long way. Your partner will be insecure and have negative thoughts. The therapist will help you pull him/her through. Please be understanding and keep your eyes on the prize, the opportunity to have a normal, loving relationship with your partner again. It will not be easy at first, but with the right support system, it will get better. Talk to your partner, listen intently, and pay attention to your partner’s needs. If you truly love your partner, it will be worth it.
If you suffer from depression, please get help soon. This is not something that will go away on its own, and can get worse without the proper help. Please contact The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Helpline, (800) 950-NAMI (6264).
Advice: Make sure your partner sees a psychologist for depression soon and seek marriage/couple’s counseling together.
Splendid! Although it is unfortunate that depression rears its ugly head in some relationships, be overjoyed that yours was spared. This disorder can destroy a relationship, putting the distance of a football field between the partners of a couple. There are many causes of depression. High stress levels, hormone changes (in women), and tragic events are just a few. Be happy you and your partner are mentally healthy.
Advice: Thank your lucky stars depression is not a battle for you or your partner. Kiss!
#24. Is your partner physically or verbally abusive (domestic violence)?
WARNING! Domestic abuse is a pattern of aggressive behavior, not only physical but also verbal. Verbal abuse usually escalates to physical abuse. About 4,000 women in the U.S. die of domestic violence each year. That number has gone up since the coronavirus, or civid-19, has forced victims to be in isolated environments with their abusers for long periods of time, without the help of family and friends.
Listen, this is not your fault. You don’t deserve this. Your life matters. Domestic violence is never acceptable. It is a criminal offense. It is very dangerous for you and should be taken seriously. It can go on for far too long because of fear and threats made by your partner. If you have children, they need to be protected too.
Sometimes you have to detach yourself from people emotionally and physically. You must get out of this relationship. You are smarter and stronger than you know. Please get away from your partner as soon as possible.
If you are in an abusive relationship, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 (1-800-799-SAFE) or TTY 1−800−787−3224 or visit www.thehotline.org. Support is available 24/7. If you are outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help.
You can do this. I know you can. Take a deep breath. Now, start putting together your plan.
Here are some tips to get to safety:
In case it gets life threatening before you can safely get away, think of a code word (one that your partner will least suspect) that you can use with family, friends, and coworkers so that you can tell them to call for help without alerting your abusive partner.
If possible, stash away some cash. You’ll need it.
Pack a bag for you, and your children if you have any, when your abusive partner is not home. Besides clothing and personals, pack legal documents such as birth certificates, social security cards, etc. Also pack police reports, medical records, and photographs that prove abuse. You may need these items to get a restraining order. Hide the bag well.
Plan on going to a safe place that your partner will least expect. Do not communicate with this person in front of your partner. Do not go to your parents, sister or best friend’s house. Be smart. Your partner will be very angry while looking for you and will check the places you’re most likely to go first. Everyone there will be in danger. If possible, go to a safe shelter for abused women. A shelter will be more capable of protecting you and your children (if you have any).
Your partner will most likely have a trace on your cell phone so be careful. Keep it powered off (so it can’t be traced) and don’t use it unless you absolutely have to. If you must use your cell phone, go to a public place, far away from the place you are staying. If possible, purchase a prepaid phone to avoid using your cell phone at all. Keep change for a pay phone, if you get lucky enough to find one, and memorize phone numbers of people you can trust to help you, especially the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1−800−799−SAFE, or your local law enforcement agency. They can help you get to a shelter for victims of domestic violence. Do not call home for any reason.
Do not, under any circumstances, show your partner this test. Just knowing that you read this type of advice will most likely set him/her off. Please take our advice seriously.
Advice: Plan your escape and seek help as soon as possible. You can do it. Your life matters. Your children’s lives matter. Seek help for domestic violence soon. If you are outside of the USA, please contact your local law enforcement agency for help. Dismiss! Dismiss! Dismiss!
Consider yourself lucky, or blessed if you’re religious. Your partner is wonderful!
Advice: If you’re religious, count your blessings and pray for those who are less fortunate. If you’re not religious, thank your lucky stars. Either way, Kiss!
#25. Would you stay in a failing relationship because you have a child or children with your partner?
I see this often. Big mistake! Broken parents aren’t usually great parents. Although it is healthier for children to grow up with both parents in the household, if the relationship consists of a bottomless pit of arguments and tears, this is not healthy at all.
You are making your children miserable! Your toxic relationship can cause the children to become depressed, angry, and insecure. They may blame themselves for your dysfunction, especially if you argue over them or throw them in the middle of it. This is the unhealthiest environment to raise children. You must stop exposing your children to bad behavior.
They may know this is not a healthy relationship but will still grow up and seek out the same dysfunctional relationship they witnessed as children. They are young and impressionable, and you are setting the standards. Please go to counseling and at least try to fix your relationship. If counseling is unsuccessful, you must go your separate ways, peacefully.
For the sake of the children, don’t speak badly about each other to them, argue within hearing range, or ask them to choose sides. If you are already exhibiting this type of behavior, whether you stay together or not, both of you are in need of parenting classes. It will be best if the children receive counseling too. They need a professional to help them cope with the reality of separation, or divorce. They need to understand that it’s not their fault, they can’t do anything to change it, and they must learn to accept it.
Advice: If this is your current situation, please seek marriage/couple’s counseling or dismiss each other. Attend parenting classes and seek counseling for your children regardless of what you and your partner decide to do about your relationship. If this is not your current situation, please take heed to this advice.
Good for you! Although it is healthier for children to grow up with both parents in the household, if the relationship involves a bottomless pit of arguments and tears, you will make your children miserable! Also, they will be more likely to grow up and have dysfunctional relationships of their own.
Advice: Always put your children first. Kiss yourself for being wise.
#26. If your significant other cheated on you (one time in the past), would you want to know?
Before you go turning over stones, you must first be mentally prepared for what could be under them.
Advice: Brace yourself because once you know about it, you must be prepared to do something about it. It’s your life. We advise but you decide.
People make mistakes. Some can be habit-forming, but some mistakes are never repeated. Besides that, some stones are best left unturned.
Advice: It’s your life. We advise but you decide.